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Bewitched, Chapter 10
Title: Bewitched, Chapter 10
Pairing: S/X
Rating: This chapter PG-13
Summary: When Valentine's Day arrives, Dru dips her finger in the brew and gives it a stir.
Word Count: 2,270
Betaed by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sparrow2000 and DJ, for which, many thanks. Thanks also to Sparrow for her help with conflabbing on plot twists and forms.
Comments: Are greatly appreciated, loved and cherished.
Disclaimer: here.
Prologue here, with a link to the other chapters, or you can find the whole thing, in reverse order, in tags, or in the correct order, in memories. There's a menu of links on the right hand side of my main journal page.
Chapter 10
Xander lay on his bed. His eyes ached and his chest hurt. The day had started with such hope, after the shock of the day before, when Giles told them about Amy, and Willow discovered that the knife cut to Amy's throat disguised twin puncture marks, while a distinct lack of blood at the murder scene contradicted the police report. Ms Calendar was dead and Giles was broken and Buffy's troubles with her mother were eclipsed beneath guilt. When Willow phoned him from Buffy's house with the news, his first reaction had been disbelief. Not since he lost Jesse, had the nightmare of Sunnydale touched anyone so close to him. Not that he was close to Ms Calendar, but Giles was, and Xander was close to Giles.
Poor Giles. He'd collected Xander in his car before dawn and driven them to the library. The counter spell had to be done before the moon set and Xander had slept in his clothes, so that he'd be ready when Giles arrived. When his alarm went off, he rolled out of bed and then spent twenty minutes hovering by the living room window, so Giles wouldn't need to ring the doorbell and risk waking his parents. As soon as he saw the old Citron draw up outside, he eased open the front door and slipped out. Giles even got out of the car and walked up the front path, so that Xander wouldn't have to brave the ten yards from his porch to the sidewalk, alone. It felt excessive, but since Giles had heard about Spike's night time habits, Xander was forbidden to go anywhere after dark without an escort and, on the whole, Xander was happy to comply.
Giles was calm and businesslike, never hinting that he resented the need to get up so early. Xander was sleepy, but hyped, a combination he wouldn't have believed possible, before experiencing it.
He'd watched as Giles laid out the ingredients for the spell and thanked God that he didn't have to get naked this time. Giles simply used one drop of Xander's blood on a circle of filter paper and held it over a beeswax candle, whilst bidding Diana to release him. There were no fireworks, no sparks or explosions, but at the edges of his vision, Xander thought he saw a faint greenish mist separate from his body and sink into the floor. Afterwards, Giles took him for coffee.
They found an empty booth easily at that time of the morning. The Espresso Pump had only just opened and the one staff member on duty was still setting things out on the counter.
Raising his mug in a toast of thanks, Xander took his first sip of his hot chocolate. As he savoured the sweet richness, he suddenly realised that he felt lighter. He looked at Giles, really looked at him, and yes, the inappropriate attraction was gone, leaving only the familiar warmth of admiration and affection. The memory of the way his heart had sped up when he caught an unexpected glimpse of tweed, and the way he'd kept thinking he saw Giles in every middle-aged man on the street, was still there, but it didn't embarrass him as it would have done, had he even once given in to temptation and spoken of his feelings.
With some caution he conjured an image of Spike in his mind's eye - Spike leaning over to loosen his boots, the muscles on his arms catching the light, the feel of Spike's skin. Xander sighed with relief. Yes, he could admit that Spike was beautiful, but it was aesthetic appreciation only. If Spike were a statue... Xander grinned at the thought of a marble or bronze Spike in the corner of his bedroom.
He pictured Cordy in his mind, as she'd been in Buffy's basement when the bug man chased them down there, and sure enough, he didn't feel ill at the thought of kissing her. He didn't feel particularly hot and excited either, but he hoped that was due to his recognition that Cordelia would always be Cordelia, rather than anything else.
It was a bright morning and Xander was happy. When Giles finished his coffee and left, therefore, Xander stayed where he was. He didn't think he'd ever been in town this early, so he'd never seen the workaholic management types, with their sharp suits and cell phones, heading into work. It was like watching the animals at the zoo - they were a different species, with their day-to-day concerns and oblivious, busy lives.
He turned his gaze across the street, admiring the long swinging hair and equally swinging hips of a group of college girls, until he was distracted by the play of muscles in the arms and shoulders of an electrician, who was taking advantage of the quiet time of day to set up a precarious looking ladder on the sidewalk and install a new neon shop sign. His attention was caught by a construction worker of some sort, with his hard hat in his hand and a tool-belt around his waist, as he stepped inside the cafe and stood studying the bill of fare on the pillar by the entrance, before shrugging and continuing on his way. Xander felt a shiver of attraction for his confident stride and envied him the way people stepped naturally out of his path.
He froze with his mug of chocolate halfway to his mouth and ran through that list again. Girls, swinging hips, hot. Check. Guy, sexy muscles. Another check. He examined his feelings and his thoughts. It all felt normal, but so had his crush on Giles, at the time. He deliberately wasn't thinking about Spike.
Setting his mug down on the table, he reflected that it was becoming annoying, how he couldn't be sure that his feelings were his own. And it was tiring.
He went back to the library.
"Giles," he called, as soon as he walked through the door. "Are you sure it worked?"
Giles was halfway up the steps to the stacks, but he turned around and came back down to the main floor. "Absolutely certain," he said. His eyes crinkled in that way that it had taken Xander two years to recognise as amusement. "You are yourself again, whatever that may be."
Refusing to rise to the tease but recognising a leading statement when he heard one, Xander narrowed his own eyes suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
At that, Giles apparently realised that Xander was really worried about something. He put the books he was holding down on the table and came closer. "Well, the spell didn't change you, Xander," he said slowly. "It simply focused you in one direction, turning you away from another."
Xander absorbed that statement silently and allowed the sense of it to settle in his mind before he spoke. "So, so what you're saying..." He paused, trying to find the words to ask the question he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. "What you're saying is... that what I felt for Spike... It was real?"
Giles nodded. "Maybe not in the specific, no, but you wouldn't have felt anything for Spike, if you didn't already have a predisposition towards..." Giles waved his hand in a vaguely circular you-understand-what-I-mean, sort of way.
That was so not want he wanted to hear. "But, but, that's crazy. I mean... I've never... I like girls. I've always liked girls. Look at Willow and Buffy... and..."
Ushered him towards the table, Giles asked, "And what do you feel for Willow and Buffy?"
Xander stopped and gazed at Giles with dawning horror. "My dad is so going to kill me," he breathed.
The raised eyebrow and slight smile faded and Giles' face went blank. "Xander," he said seriously. "There is nothing wrong with such feelings. You can no more control who, or what, you feel attraction for, than you can help breathing." He paused and stared at Xander, as if he thought he could force the reassurance into Xander's mind, before adding, "But you can control what you do about it." They had reached the table and Giles pulled out a chair, urging Xander to sit. "If you suspect that your father would react badly, if you came out," he said, "I'm afraid you will have to decide whether it would be more advisable for you to wait until you are old enough to leave home and become independent, or if you will keep that side of your life a secret."
Summoning a weak smile, Xander looked up at him. "So many words, Giles," he joked, before taking a deep breath and facing the implications of what Giles had just said. "What you're saying is: face up to my dad, or hide what I am? Apparently am. Maybe."
"Precisely," Giles acknowledged Xander's more economical summation, before pulling out another chair and twisting it around so he could sit down and look at Xander on a level.
"Or I could date girls?" Xander suggested.
Nodding, Giles agreed. "Or you could date girls."
With a mock sigh of relief, Xander slumped in his chair. "It's good to have a simple life."
Giles' slight smile resurfaced. "So I'm told," he said. Becoming serious again, he continued, "This revelation has come on you by surprise. The spell Amy cast removed your inhibitions and learned blindness." Xander watched, as Giles paused and pursed his lips thoughtfully, as if considering his next words carefully. As if he wasn't already Sunnydale's biggest weigh-it-all-up guy. Finally he drew a breath and his words, now he was ready to speak them, were level and measured. "You are, perhaps, a late developer, Xander. You're what, seventeen? And Cordelia was your first girlfriend?"
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No. No, of course not. And without the spell, I'm sure that the knowledge of what form your preferences take would have grown on you over a period of months, or even years, and you would have adapted to it as you matured."
"Do you think maybe I'm bi? It doesn't make me feel ill to think about kissing a girl, any more."
"It did before?"
Xander sighed, allowed his head to loll back and stared at the skylight above them. "Yeah, kinda."
"That would be the spell, engaging in, um, aversion conditioning of some sort. Xander, everybody's sexuality is personal. Whether you are gay, bi, or heterosexual, is something you will discover for yourself. There's no need to rush it."
Xander gave a shaky laugh. "Because that way leads to badness and evil boyfriends. Got it."
Xander went to class then, although he was distracted and absorbed even less of what the teacher said than usual. He spent lunch hour dodging Larry, who seemed to want to talk about something and Xander so wasn't ready to make a firm date for the Bronze. But, inevitably, over the course of the day he calmed down, as his natural common sense (his dad would say, laziness) reasserted itself. He would take Giles' advice and wait and see what happened. There was no need to rush into anything.
He ran into Giles again, as he was leaving school at the end of the day, and was surprised to see him smiling.
"Xander," he said. "What are you doing still here?"
He was... chipper. That sounded suitably British. "Nothing, I'm not... still here. I mean, I'm just leaving..." Xander hesitated, because you couldn't take the unusual for granted in Sunnydale. "Are you all right?" he asked cautiously.
Giles' smile broadened and yes, that was verging on a grin. "Never better," he announced, because it was an announcement, not just a simple statement.
"Right," Xander replied, drawing out the word doubtfully. "So there haven't been any suspicious spells? No one has been around, offering you magic rings or brass lamps? Because you know, those puppies never come without a catch."
Giles sighed, but his smile didn't disappear, although it diminished slightly. "Xander..." he trailed off.
"Giles?" Xander prompted.
"I'm quite well. There is nothing wrong. It is kind of you to be concerned, but my private life is really just that - private."
Xander looked at him dubiously. "If you promise me that you've not been dabbling in magic and accidentally cast a spell on yourself?" He paused when a thought occurred to him. "Except," he added, dismayed, "how would you know? It would feel normal. It always does."
Giles put a hand on Xander shoulder, turning him towards the door that led out to the courtyard. "There is no spell. No talisman. No magic of any kind. I can assure you of that." He gave Xander a gentle push. "I have some errands to run on my way home, and you should be on your way to yours, before it gets dark, since Buffy isn't here to walk you."
And then it turned out that Giles was happy because he'd got back together with Ms Calendar and Buffy and Willow and Xander had to go chasing around town, so Buffy could save him from the consequences of his rage and grief.
Xander lay on his bed, thinking about the day, without actually thinking about it. All he felt was a chest deep ache for Giles' happy smile and he realised that, although he didn't want Giles any more, as he had when under the spell, he did love him and he hurt for the pain Giles was suffering. Staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, he swore revenge on Angelus. No matter what it took, somehow, he'd see that bastard dust.
Next Chapter
Pairing: S/X
Rating: This chapter PG-13
Summary: When Valentine's Day arrives, Dru dips her finger in the brew and gives it a stir.
Word Count: 2,270
Betaed by
sparrow2000 and DJ, for which, many thanks. Thanks also to Sparrow for her help with conflabbing on plot twists and forms.Comments: Are greatly appreciated, loved and cherished.
Disclaimer: here.
Prologue here, with a link to the other chapters, or you can find the whole thing, in reverse order, in tags, or in the correct order, in memories. There's a menu of links on the right hand side of my main journal page.
Chapter 10
Xander lay on his bed. His eyes ached and his chest hurt. The day had started with such hope, after the shock of the day before, when Giles told them about Amy, and Willow discovered that the knife cut to Amy's throat disguised twin puncture marks, while a distinct lack of blood at the murder scene contradicted the police report. Ms Calendar was dead and Giles was broken and Buffy's troubles with her mother were eclipsed beneath guilt. When Willow phoned him from Buffy's house with the news, his first reaction had been disbelief. Not since he lost Jesse, had the nightmare of Sunnydale touched anyone so close to him. Not that he was close to Ms Calendar, but Giles was, and Xander was close to Giles.
Poor Giles. He'd collected Xander in his car before dawn and driven them to the library. The counter spell had to be done before the moon set and Xander had slept in his clothes, so that he'd be ready when Giles arrived. When his alarm went off, he rolled out of bed and then spent twenty minutes hovering by the living room window, so Giles wouldn't need to ring the doorbell and risk waking his parents. As soon as he saw the old Citron draw up outside, he eased open the front door and slipped out. Giles even got out of the car and walked up the front path, so that Xander wouldn't have to brave the ten yards from his porch to the sidewalk, alone. It felt excessive, but since Giles had heard about Spike's night time habits, Xander was forbidden to go anywhere after dark without an escort and, on the whole, Xander was happy to comply.
Giles was calm and businesslike, never hinting that he resented the need to get up so early. Xander was sleepy, but hyped, a combination he wouldn't have believed possible, before experiencing it.
He'd watched as Giles laid out the ingredients for the spell and thanked God that he didn't have to get naked this time. Giles simply used one drop of Xander's blood on a circle of filter paper and held it over a beeswax candle, whilst bidding Diana to release him. There were no fireworks, no sparks or explosions, but at the edges of his vision, Xander thought he saw a faint greenish mist separate from his body and sink into the floor. Afterwards, Giles took him for coffee.
They found an empty booth easily at that time of the morning. The Espresso Pump had only just opened and the one staff member on duty was still setting things out on the counter.
Raising his mug in a toast of thanks, Xander took his first sip of his hot chocolate. As he savoured the sweet richness, he suddenly realised that he felt lighter. He looked at Giles, really looked at him, and yes, the inappropriate attraction was gone, leaving only the familiar warmth of admiration and affection. The memory of the way his heart had sped up when he caught an unexpected glimpse of tweed, and the way he'd kept thinking he saw Giles in every middle-aged man on the street, was still there, but it didn't embarrass him as it would have done, had he even once given in to temptation and spoken of his feelings.
With some caution he conjured an image of Spike in his mind's eye - Spike leaning over to loosen his boots, the muscles on his arms catching the light, the feel of Spike's skin. Xander sighed with relief. Yes, he could admit that Spike was beautiful, but it was aesthetic appreciation only. If Spike were a statue... Xander grinned at the thought of a marble or bronze Spike in the corner of his bedroom.
He pictured Cordy in his mind, as she'd been in Buffy's basement when the bug man chased them down there, and sure enough, he didn't feel ill at the thought of kissing her. He didn't feel particularly hot and excited either, but he hoped that was due to his recognition that Cordelia would always be Cordelia, rather than anything else.
It was a bright morning and Xander was happy. When Giles finished his coffee and left, therefore, Xander stayed where he was. He didn't think he'd ever been in town this early, so he'd never seen the workaholic management types, with their sharp suits and cell phones, heading into work. It was like watching the animals at the zoo - they were a different species, with their day-to-day concerns and oblivious, busy lives.
He turned his gaze across the street, admiring the long swinging hair and equally swinging hips of a group of college girls, until he was distracted by the play of muscles in the arms and shoulders of an electrician, who was taking advantage of the quiet time of day to set up a precarious looking ladder on the sidewalk and install a new neon shop sign. His attention was caught by a construction worker of some sort, with his hard hat in his hand and a tool-belt around his waist, as he stepped inside the cafe and stood studying the bill of fare on the pillar by the entrance, before shrugging and continuing on his way. Xander felt a shiver of attraction for his confident stride and envied him the way people stepped naturally out of his path.
He froze with his mug of chocolate halfway to his mouth and ran through that list again. Girls, swinging hips, hot. Check. Guy, sexy muscles. Another check. He examined his feelings and his thoughts. It all felt normal, but so had his crush on Giles, at the time. He deliberately wasn't thinking about Spike.
Setting his mug down on the table, he reflected that it was becoming annoying, how he couldn't be sure that his feelings were his own. And it was tiring.
He went back to the library.
"Giles," he called, as soon as he walked through the door. "Are you sure it worked?"
Giles was halfway up the steps to the stacks, but he turned around and came back down to the main floor. "Absolutely certain," he said. His eyes crinkled in that way that it had taken Xander two years to recognise as amusement. "You are yourself again, whatever that may be."
Refusing to rise to the tease but recognising a leading statement when he heard one, Xander narrowed his own eyes suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
At that, Giles apparently realised that Xander was really worried about something. He put the books he was holding down on the table and came closer. "Well, the spell didn't change you, Xander," he said slowly. "It simply focused you in one direction, turning you away from another."
Xander absorbed that statement silently and allowed the sense of it to settle in his mind before he spoke. "So, so what you're saying..." He paused, trying to find the words to ask the question he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. "What you're saying is... that what I felt for Spike... It was real?"
Giles nodded. "Maybe not in the specific, no, but you wouldn't have felt anything for Spike, if you didn't already have a predisposition towards..." Giles waved his hand in a vaguely circular you-understand-what-I-mean, sort of way.
That was so not want he wanted to hear. "But, but, that's crazy. I mean... I've never... I like girls. I've always liked girls. Look at Willow and Buffy... and..."
Ushered him towards the table, Giles asked, "And what do you feel for Willow and Buffy?"
Xander stopped and gazed at Giles with dawning horror. "My dad is so going to kill me," he breathed.
The raised eyebrow and slight smile faded and Giles' face went blank. "Xander," he said seriously. "There is nothing wrong with such feelings. You can no more control who, or what, you feel attraction for, than you can help breathing." He paused and stared at Xander, as if he thought he could force the reassurance into Xander's mind, before adding, "But you can control what you do about it." They had reached the table and Giles pulled out a chair, urging Xander to sit. "If you suspect that your father would react badly, if you came out," he said, "I'm afraid you will have to decide whether it would be more advisable for you to wait until you are old enough to leave home and become independent, or if you will keep that side of your life a secret."
Summoning a weak smile, Xander looked up at him. "So many words, Giles," he joked, before taking a deep breath and facing the implications of what Giles had just said. "What you're saying is: face up to my dad, or hide what I am? Apparently am. Maybe."
"Precisely," Giles acknowledged Xander's more economical summation, before pulling out another chair and twisting it around so he could sit down and look at Xander on a level.
"Or I could date girls?" Xander suggested.
Nodding, Giles agreed. "Or you could date girls."
With a mock sigh of relief, Xander slumped in his chair. "It's good to have a simple life."
Giles' slight smile resurfaced. "So I'm told," he said. Becoming serious again, he continued, "This revelation has come on you by surprise. The spell Amy cast removed your inhibitions and learned blindness." Xander watched, as Giles paused and pursed his lips thoughtfully, as if considering his next words carefully. As if he wasn't already Sunnydale's biggest weigh-it-all-up guy. Finally he drew a breath and his words, now he was ready to speak them, were level and measured. "You are, perhaps, a late developer, Xander. You're what, seventeen? And Cordelia was your first girlfriend?"
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No. No, of course not. And without the spell, I'm sure that the knowledge of what form your preferences take would have grown on you over a period of months, or even years, and you would have adapted to it as you matured."
"Do you think maybe I'm bi? It doesn't make me feel ill to think about kissing a girl, any more."
"It did before?"
Xander sighed, allowed his head to loll back and stared at the skylight above them. "Yeah, kinda."
"That would be the spell, engaging in, um, aversion conditioning of some sort. Xander, everybody's sexuality is personal. Whether you are gay, bi, or heterosexual, is something you will discover for yourself. There's no need to rush it."
Xander gave a shaky laugh. "Because that way leads to badness and evil boyfriends. Got it."
Xander went to class then, although he was distracted and absorbed even less of what the teacher said than usual. He spent lunch hour dodging Larry, who seemed to want to talk about something and Xander so wasn't ready to make a firm date for the Bronze. But, inevitably, over the course of the day he calmed down, as his natural common sense (his dad would say, laziness) reasserted itself. He would take Giles' advice and wait and see what happened. There was no need to rush into anything.
He ran into Giles again, as he was leaving school at the end of the day, and was surprised to see him smiling.
"Xander," he said. "What are you doing still here?"
He was... chipper. That sounded suitably British. "Nothing, I'm not... still here. I mean, I'm just leaving..." Xander hesitated, because you couldn't take the unusual for granted in Sunnydale. "Are you all right?" he asked cautiously.
Giles' smile broadened and yes, that was verging on a grin. "Never better," he announced, because it was an announcement, not just a simple statement.
"Right," Xander replied, drawing out the word doubtfully. "So there haven't been any suspicious spells? No one has been around, offering you magic rings or brass lamps? Because you know, those puppies never come without a catch."
Giles sighed, but his smile didn't disappear, although it diminished slightly. "Xander..." he trailed off.
"Giles?" Xander prompted.
"I'm quite well. There is nothing wrong. It is kind of you to be concerned, but my private life is really just that - private."
Xander looked at him dubiously. "If you promise me that you've not been dabbling in magic and accidentally cast a spell on yourself?" He paused when a thought occurred to him. "Except," he added, dismayed, "how would you know? It would feel normal. It always does."
Giles put a hand on Xander shoulder, turning him towards the door that led out to the courtyard. "There is no spell. No talisman. No magic of any kind. I can assure you of that." He gave Xander a gentle push. "I have some errands to run on my way home, and you should be on your way to yours, before it gets dark, since Buffy isn't here to walk you."
And then it turned out that Giles was happy because he'd got back together with Ms Calendar and Buffy and Willow and Xander had to go chasing around town, so Buffy could save him from the consequences of his rage and grief.
Xander lay on his bed, thinking about the day, without actually thinking about it. All he felt was a chest deep ache for Giles' happy smile and he realised that, although he didn't want Giles any more, as he had when under the spell, he did love him and he hurt for the pain Giles was suffering. Staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, he swore revenge on Angelus. No matter what it took, somehow, he'd see that bastard dust.
Next Chapter
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Clever explanation of how the spell brought certain tendencies to the surface but it's still Xander.
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I'm so glad you like my Xander. I'm very fond of him too.
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Xander coming upon a happy Giles and immediately assuming something's afoot was both funny and sad. It had been so long since there was a happy smile on Giles' face, it's no wonder he had doubts. Poor Giles, that happiness was so fleeting, it must have made the pain of loss even sharper.
Starting and ending the chapter with Xander mourning for Giles' loss was lovely.
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I'm so glad you like my Giles too. I love drawing out the relationship I always thought was there, because when Xander was in trouble, he went to Giles for help, where the others... not so much. *g*
Thank you for your lovely comment.
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Well done, hon. You're right to be pleased with this chapter, it's just terrific.
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I think I broke my own heart with Giles's smile *g* I'm so glad that worked.
Thank you, hon. Your help with this story has been terrific.
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Loving this............
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;)
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Thank you. There will be more next week.
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Just a couple of tiny typos:
but it didn't embarrass him as it would have done, had he even once
givinggiven in to temptation and spoken of his feelings.You're what, seventeen? And Cordelia was
youyour first girlfriend?"He would take Giles'
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And thank you for the catches. It's been bugging me all week that I couldn't get on line to correct them, but they're done now (except for the last one, where I am being consistent with the previous chapters and taking refuge in the knowledge that that is a debated grammar rule. *g* I'll put it right throughout when I do my end of story tidy up.)
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Forcing myself into a mini-writing break here and so very glad to be catching up on reading at last. Here I am, tardy as always, but this is a delightful place to be catching up. I do love your Giles so very much, and seeing Xander's relief, knowing it's likely to be short-lived is bittersweet.
I think I commented on an earlier chapter about how remarkably young and yet wise this particular Xander is. That really shines here. Very nicely done, hon.
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This was the chapter I was writing when I got in touch to ask about the correct terminology for a menu or a bill of fare. (I really would love to have an American version of the term Brit-pickers *g*) It was a small point, but I do like to get these things right, so thank you for your help with that.
I love this Giles too. And I always love Xander *g* Thank you again.
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