Bewitched, Chapter 31/37

[thismaz]

Title: Bewitched, Chapter 31/37
Pairing: S/X again, at last. I promised and I've kept my promise.
Rating: This chapter NC-17
Summary: Valentine's Day arrived and Dru dipped her finger in the brew, giving it a stir. That was two years ago and the fall-out is still falling.
Word Count: 6,500
Betaed by sparrow2000 and DJ, for which, many thanks. Thanks also to Sparrow for conflabbing on plot twists and forms.
Comments: Are greatly appreciated, loved and cherished.
Disclaimer: here.

The prologue is here, with a link to the other chapters, or you can find the whole thing, in reverse order, in tags, or in the correct order, in memories. There's a menu of links on the right hand side of my main journal page.

If you were reading this story before it went on hiatus after chapter 27, there is a recap post here with a link to chapter 28 and all chapters following.


Many thanks to katekat1010 for the original manip which you can find here.



Chapter 31

So Spike's theory had proved correct - he could fight demons, but couldn't hurt humans. In spite of Xander's protests, he'd insisted on testing the idea to the limit. Or, more accurately, testing to find its limits. Not that Xander minded going out with Spike and standing safely fight adjacent while Spike punched, kicked and staked his way through a nest of vampires. The way Spike contemptuously snorted, "Fledges!" as he brushed the dust off his hands and coat even made Xander smile.

It was his tests against humans that bothered Xander and it wasn't because he was afraid that Spike would actually hurt anyone. Xander had absolute faith in the ingenuity and effectiveness of US technology and as far as he was concerned the case for the deterrent effect of the chip was already well proven. It was the way Spike insisted on conducting a whole range of experiments, from jumping out in front of someone in gameface to actual attempted assault, that he didn't like. He was unwilling to examine too closely whether his reaction to the more extreme ones, which left Spike curled up on the ground, groaning, while his prospective victim stared down at him in bemusement, was embarrassment, or sympathy. It might have been a reluctant mix of both.

After one of the painful ones, Spike could usually be persuaded to go home and spend the rest of the night with blood, beer and a movie, but he was still out the next night, trying something else. It took more than a week to work through his list.

Once he had established the exact limits of what the chip would allow, however, Spike dispensed with Xander's company and Xander, having been witness to every one of the experiments, was happy enough to let him go unsupervised, while he had a quiet evening alone, at home. The only downside was that after Spike's first solo excursion, he was woken up at 4am to let him back into the apartment. To avoid a repeat of that, he left a spare front door key on the kitchen table on his way out to work the next day. It was gone when he got back, which was good because Xander needed his sleep.

Xander wasn't alone in relaxing his vigilance. Giles had stopped asking him to bring Spike over when he went to Scooby meetings and Buffy had long ago given up on her attempts to get military secrets from Spike, having found what she hoped was a better source.

Since he was now pretty well free to do what he wanted, Xander kept expecting him to find a place of his own, but he was always still there, on the sofa, when Xander got up to go to work, and for some reason he also continued to trail along to Giles' place every time a meeting was called.

Xander figured that Spike had decided Xander's apartment was a cushy place to crash. On some level, he thought, he, himself, must also like the company because he never got around to suggesting Spike move out. There was something about having a roomie, he decided, that made him feel grown up and carefree, at the same time. It was like Friends, without the complex emotional attachments.

Meanwhile, in Casa De Rupert, the confirmation that Riley was one of the commandos had energised Giles. He'd started making lists of questions for Buffy to work into casual conversation, in the hope that Riley would spill a few more beans. Buffy wasn't the greatest actress in the world, when it came to words and using them, so Xander had some concerns about the feasibility of the plan. He wasn't at the meeting where Giles suggested it, though, so he just had to rely on the knowledge that Giles knew Buffy's weaknesses, as well as her strengths, and he wouldn't make unreasonable demands on her acting skills in his search for information.

The more Xander learnt about the commandos from Riley, through the things he said to Buffy, from the little that Spike told him of his time in their labs, but mostly from the stories Spike brought back from the bars and flop houses around town, the less Xander liked the idea of the military in Sunnydale. He didn't mind the fact that they were hunting demons. That he could stand up and applaud. It was the way they went about it.

It was Spike who verbalised his doubts, one Saturday morning. Spike had come back late, just before dawn, and hadn't gone to bed. Xander woke up early for some reason and they ended up sharing a pot of coffee at the kitchen table.

"They have no honour, pet, that's what you're trying to say. The Slayer, she's always fought hand-to-hand. Makes it personal. Shows respect. But the soldiers... they're part of a machine - the same old, same old, military-industrial complex."

Xander frowned. "Buffy sometimes uses a crossbow. And there was the rocket-launcher she used on the Judge."

"Which both fire one, maybe two rounds, and then she has to reload." Spike shrugged. "I use throwing knives. Crossbows and knives, even rocket-launchers, require focus. You have to aim them. It's personal. There's no skill and no respect in mowing down an opponent with an endless magazine of rapid fire bullets, when all they have is a crossbow or a sword."

From Riley they knew that the official name the commandos used for their operation was the Initiative. Buffy also collected a few of their acronyms, which she recounted to the gathered Scoobies. Xander got huge enjoyment from Spike's indignation at being called a sub-terrestrial. "Am not!" he declared. "I left that to Darla's sire and his generation."

But there were times when a vampire on your heels was not what you wanted. On the morning of Buffy's nineteenth birthday, Xander mentioned that he was going out that night, but he didn't tell Spike where. The chances of Spike gate-crashing the party were too great, in Xander's opinion, and the avoidance of demonic gatecrashers was one of the main aims of the gathering. Buffy's conviction that every Buffy-centred celebration had to be a spectral or demonic disaster had to be quashed and the only way to do that was by presenting incontrovertible evidence - in the form of a party.

It was still daylight when he left to help Willow set up, so he was pretty certain that Spike couldn't follow. Willow had hired a room in the Student Centre and invited all the people she and Buffy knew from their dorm, plus a few others from class. Getting Buffy there was the most difficult part and Xander left that to Willow, while he passed out party hats and drinks.

Whatever she said, Buffy came to tearing into the room and skidded to a shocked halt. Her hunter's instincts kicked in quickly, though, and she shoved her stake in the back of her waistband and spread her arms in one smooth movement.

"Wow!" she cried, and Xander could almost believe that she was simply reacting with delight to the gathered smiles and cheers of "Happy birthday!" that he led and partygoers immediately echoed.

He walked forward and handed her a cup of fruit punch. She narrowed her eyes and whispered, "Cruel, Xander," but she was smiling too, so he grinned back at her, unrepentant.

After that she relaxed and threw herself into the spirit of the evening, talking to everyone and accepting birthday hugs and kisses.

Once the party had settled into its rhythm, Xander sat on a bench next to Giles and watched the crowd shift and circle. They were like a different species, he thought - sleek and well-dressed, confident in their movements and loud in their opinions. He almost wished Spike was there to thrash the guy who was hanging onto the pool table and obviously thought he owned it. Looking across at Giles, he saw the same slightly bored, slightly bewildered expression on his face that he felt must be on his own. In Giles' case the feeling was probably due to age and responsibility. In Xander's, it was just responsibility. The students behaved as if they hadn't a care in the world and had never had to worry about anything. He tried to think himself into their shoes, imagining what it must be like, living off parental support, scholarships and trust funds.

Among the crowd, Willow and Buffy stood out as clearly as Xander and Giles - at least they seemed to, to Xander. Even though she was laughing, Buffy's eyes held a knowledge of choices and consequences that her compatriots couldn't imagine. Then he saw Riley. Three heads taller than Buffy, but not nearly as strong, or as experienced; his eyes also held that inner calm and certainty. Xander started studying faces, playing spot-the-Initiative-member. He decided that it was just as well he hadn't given Spike the chance to come along. Playing with the thought, though, amused him.

Spike would so totally freak them out, even if they didn't recognise him for what he was. He had an air of confidence that was similar to Buffy's, but in her it was tempered by a hesitancy that Xander could only ascribe to her humanity. There was never a doubt that Spike would act without pity or remorse. He wouldn't angst over decisions made, as Buffy did. He wouldn't consider that a human obstacle in his path had a right to be there, or even had a right to be. His amorality was totally different from the black and white view of the soldiers, if they were all like Riley, and light years away from the appreciation of grey that Buffy had acquired, ever since she came to terms with her feelings for Angel in all their complicated glory.

His musings were interrupted by Buffy bringing cake on paper plates. He stood up and took his with a bow. "Thank you, m'lady."

Grinning, Buffy shook her head. "You guys," she said.

Giles tilted his paper cup to her before taking his plate. "Happy Birthday," he said. Switching the cup into the same hand as his plate, he allowed her to give him a hug.

Her eyes were slightly shiny. "Thank you," she said.

Stepping back, Giles gestured vaguely around the room. "Oh, nothing to do with me; you have Willow and Xander to thank for all this, I believe." He smiled down into her upturned face and Xander was struck by the realisation that in Buffy, Giles saw the daughter he'd never had. "Nineteen," Giles marvelled. "It's hard to believe, isn't it?"

Buffy's eyes were solemn. "It really is," she agreed. Then she shrugged off the moment. "Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, of course." Giles glanced around again. "There's a lot of new faces here, aren't there?"

Laughing, Buffy shook her head again. "You hate it," she accused him, "but thank you for coming. It wouldn't have been a proper birthday without you."

Giles appeared touched by the sentiment and Buffy leant in close. "But I promise I won't be offended if you want to leave," she whispered. Looking across at Xander, she added, "Either of you. It can't be much fun, when you don't really know anyone."

Thankfully, Willow bounced over at that moment and distracted her, so Xander didn't have to come up with a reply.

"I see that Riley's here," Willow announced, grinning at Buffy and causing Xander to wonder why Riley had been invited.

Buffy shrugged. "Yeah. He's finally got past freaking out that we know his secret identity and he wants me to go and see their base. I have to talk to Professor Walsh first." She turned to Willow. "Can you believe it?" she asked. "Professor Walsh?"

Shaking her head, Willow agreed. "No. I never guessed. I knew she was smart, and strict," she pulled a face and Buffy made a move, as if she was going to put an arm around her, but pulled back before completing the gesture, "but I never pegged her for the head of a clandestine military organisation."

"I'm going to be secret-identity girl again," Buffy said. "I want to see what they're trying to do..." She cut herself off as a student wandered by on her way to the door. "If I can get a proper look around, inside," she concluded more softly when the immediate danger of being overheard had past.

Giles leant towards her and lowered his voice too. "This is not really the place to be having this conversation, but do, please, be careful," he begged. Speaking even more quietly, so that Xander had to step closer to hear him, he added, "They might know that you're the Slayer, but they can't possibly know what that means."

The rest of the evening passed slowly, until Giles and then Xander did decide to leave, but it was a success, in the sense that there was no fire, kidnapping, zombie or demon attack. Xander figured they'd broken the jinx and that had been worth both the boredom and the risk.

The next morning, Xander was sitting at his kitchen table drinking coffee and thanking the gods of the working man for Saturdays, when Spike wandered out of his room. Xander looked up from the newspaper. "It says here that one of the tigers at the zoo is ill," he said.

Spike grunted. He looked up and saw Xander's expression. "Yeah?" he added.

"It says that it's pretty banged up. They think it got into a fight with its mate."

Spike continued to look unimpressed. "Uh huh?"

"It's developed anaemia too."

"So?"

"So, you've not been drinking so much of the pigs' blood lately and you had some pretty bad scratches on your face the other night." He stared at Spike, noticing the shift in his stance. He wondered when he'd got so good at reading Spike's body language, because that was certainly a shift towards defensive. "Why, Spike?" he asked.

Joining him in the kitchen, Spike pulled a chair out from the table, swung it around and straddled it, resting his elbows on the back. "It's a carnivore," he said. "Top of its food chain. If I can't kill humans, that's the next best thing."

"It's dangerous."

"So's living." He caught Xander's eye and his expression was defiant, almost belligerent. "And it tastes better than demon blood."

Xander folded the paper, ready to put in the trash. "Just don't kill it, okay? And be-"

Spike interrupted. "I have got some self-control, you know?" He slammed his hands down on the chair back and stood up, leaning forward over it to make his point. "Just because most of the vampires you see around here still have dirt under their fingernails, you think we're all the same." Xander stared at him, shocked, wondering why his innocent request had triggered such vehemence. "That's like judging the whole human race on the basis of a bunch of unruly kindergartners," Spike spat.

Because he was crazy and could never resist, Xander said, "But you're all evil."

With an exasperated groan, Spike turned away, "Through choice!" he said, then, more calmly, turning back to face Xander, "I understand the rules of human society. Probably a lot better than you do, since I was brought up when manners still meant something."

Xander wasn't sure how they'd got from tigers to proper behaviour, but he was relieved that Spike had apparently calmed down as abruptly as he'd exploded. Since Spike could be very informative, if he thought that Xander was really interested, he asked, "So you choose to be evil?"

Spike gave a small, self-satisfied smirk. "I choose to do what I want. What I can get away with. Which is a lot." Sobering abruptly he corrected himself. "Was a lot," he said. As if the need to rethink his tenses had made him reconsider the whole conversation, he paused. "Hang on," he said. "What were you about to say?"

Questions like that always elicited a reflex denial from Xander. They made him feel guilty, even when he'd done nothing to feel guilty about. "Nothing!" he said.

"Yes you were. Earlier, when you were going on about the poor, defenceless tigers."

"I wasn't."

"You were." Spike began to smile. "You were going to ask me to be careful," he said. His face broke into a mocking grin. "Oh, Xander, you do care about me," he said in a stupid high pitched voice.

Xander glared. "No, I don't!"

"Do too. You care. I know you do."

"Do not! I mean, no I don't."

Spike's smile twisted into a sly leer. "Yes, you do. And I know why." He turned the chair around and sat down again, leaning across the table towards Xander. "Remember the hotel?" he said. "Remember the night I saved you from Angelus and Dru? Remember the Jacuzzi? Remember how good it felt? Wasn't that the best sex you ever had?"

"That was the first sex I ever had. I had nothing to compare it to." Realising that that wasn't a denial, he snapped, "It wasn't even real."

Spike sat back and shook his head. "It was real, alright. The sex was. And it was good. It just wouldn't have happened without the spell."

Xander had no explanation, later, for why he didn't shoot Spike down in flames with a well chosen line about sex with Larry, or Jimmy. It was probably because he didn't think of one. Instead he asked, "Where's all this coming from, anyway? When I helped save your ass from the Mayor's minions, you acted like you didn't remember me."

Getting up once more, Spike turned away and walked over to the sink, bracing his arms on the edge with his head hanging between them. Xander watched him is silence. There was something arresting about his taut stance that inhibited interruption, even from Xander, the king of the inappropriate mood breaker. After a few moments Spike pushed himself upright and turned around. For once Xander couldn't read his expression. Striding back over to the table, he sat down, leaning on his folded arms on the table. Xander found himself sitting back in his own chair.

"Xander!" Spike said, speaking slowly and clearly. "I didn't remember you. Not until Dru..." He paused, as if to gather his thoughts and started again. "She cast the spell, but then things changed and she got scared. Acathla was threatening to release Hell on Earth. She took my memories. She had a plan, but it all went bugger end up when the Slayer killed Angelus. She forgot she'd done it, in her usual way. Left me with no memory of you, until a few weeks ago."

He was watching Xander, as if waiting for him to make a decision about something important.

Xander stared at him, not sure what he was supposed to say. His brain was fully occupied with rapid calculations, sifting the timeline of his memories of junior year. "You, you mean..." he eventually stuttered. "You mean, that night... when we met by the mansion and you left the gate open... you didn't know who I was?" Spike shook his head. "Oh man," Xander breathed, "that's scary."

Spike's eyes narrowed and he gave a small huff of laughter, then he sat back and preened under the inverted compliment.

*****

The non-rising of the demon Prince Barvain was a bust. Buffy was out being spy-girl with Riley and the Initiative, so Giles and Xander sat by the tomb, waiting for him to show. Giles was quiet, even, Xander thought, depressed, following his encounter with Buffy's professor. He hadn't said much about it but Xander got the impression that it hadn't gone well.

Xander, himself, was simply glad of the chance to sit quietly in a place where Spike wasn't, in the company of someone who was guaranteed not to pester him for reasons why he wasn't being cheerful. Sitting around in graveyards on a Tuesday night would always be pretty depressing, but that wouldn't normally be enough to keep him quiet. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him; he just knew that he was glad it wasn't Buffy or Willow sitting next to him.

Spike had been oddly subdued since the weekend, civil enough in a very un-Spikelike way, but quiet. He wasn't avoiding Xander, but he wasn't teasing him or taunting him, either. Xander was surprised to realise that he missed it. If it had been anyone else, he would have said Spike was worried about something, but a single reference to the Initiative had set off such a diatribe of invective, he was pretty certain that whatever was bothering Spike, particularly, it wasn't that. He also wasn't sure why he was bothered. A quiet Spike should have been a good thing.

Eventually Xander shook himself free of his unprofitable thoughts and roused himself to look around the mausoleum. The whole place looked suspiciously clean, based on Xander's extensive acquaintance with Sunnydale's more salubrious tombs and by Giles' calculation Barvain was late. "Do you think Riley and his guys got here first?" he asked.

Giles lowered his book and looked around in turn, playing his flashlight over the floor and taking in the lack of windblown leaves and other garbage. "It's possible, I suppose," he said. He looked at his watch. "It is three quarters of an hour after Saturn's rise." The thought seemed to depress him further. He closed the book with a snap. "Go home," he told Xander. "I, at least, don't have work to get up for. I'll wait a little longer, to be certain, but I think you may be right."

It was when Spike came home, just after midnight the next night, that Xander heard the story. Spike was almost bouncing when he came through the door, more like his normal self than he'd been for days. It being a work day, Xander wouldn't usually have still been up to hear it then, but he'd fallen asleep in front of the TV two hours earlier.

Spike was full of glee for a demonified Giles, a wrecked car and the loss of dignity inherent in projectile snot. At first Xander wasn't sure if he should be horrified or entertained, but Spike's mood was infectious and once Spike had assured him that Giles was safe ("Followed him to the motel and saw him leaving in his old shape. Saw the soldiers too, so I didn't go near.") he felt free to join in with Spike's enjoyment without having to feel bad about it.

Fetching them each a beer, he made Spike tell the story in order and Spike took great pleasure in doing so, from his first meeting with Giles in Restfield, through to chasing Buffy's professor (the witch-bitch, as Spike called her) down the street, to Spike's own undercover work in a bar. When he related the car chase through the Sunnydale streets, however, Xander stopped laughing. "You could have been caught," he protested.

Dismissing his concern with an airy wave of his beer bottle, Spike snorted. "Nah! They never had a chance. Not even with me driving an old crate like that."

Xander went to bed, eventually, torn between amusement at Spike's pleasure and concern for his recklessness.

The next day, when he went to see Giles, he found Buffy already there. That was when he heard the rest of the story - Buffy's almost fatal attack, Giles' survival only courtesy of the knife not being silver, her recognition of Giles, even in demon form, and the Initiative's arrest of Ethan.

Looking sharply at Giles, Xander thought he saw some guilt in the twist of his lips and his bowed head. Giles looked up and caught him staring so he covered his concern with flippancy. Giving an appreciative whistle, he said, "I never took you for a cheapskate, Giles, but it's just as well you skimped on the silverware, yeah?"

Giles gave him a half-hearted glare. "That is entirely beside the point," he said. "The fact is that this 314 sounds like the focus of potential unrest."

"But Ethan?" Buffy asked and Xander sighed for her clumsy single-mindedness that didn't see where other people's feelings were delicate or raw. "Can we believe him?"

Visibly squaring his shoulders, Giles replied, "Ethan is a rogue, a trickster and not to be trusted with anything of value, but he was never a liar."

Squinting thoughtfully, Xander suggested gently, "He might have changed since you knew him."

"No." Giles shook his head. "He hasn't changed. He always caved under threat of physical violence and he still does. In any case, I saw the fear in his eyes when he spoke of it."

"I could ask Spike," Xander offered. "He might have heard something."

Which was how Xander learned that Spike had extorted money from Giles for his help. Marching back into his apartment half an hour later, he glared at Spike. "Right, that's it!" he announced, "I'm charging you rent. $200. Hand it over."

Spike looked scandalised. "Rent?" he asked. "For a few blankets on the floor? You've got a cheek."

Xander glared and flicked the tips of his fingers in a give-it-here gesture. "The money you got out of Giles. I want it, now."

Narrowing his eyes, Spike sat back on the sofa and stuck his hands behind his head, apparently at ease with the world. "Want your share, do you?" he asked.

"No," Xander said. "I'm going to give it back to him. Hand it over."

With bad grace, Spike dug in his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills. "Spent the rest on fags," he muttered, passing it to Xander.

Xander smiled. "Okay, rent paid for the foreseeable future," he agreed. "Subject to change without warning, if you hustle my friends again." He fixed Spike with a hard look and Spike reluctantly nodded his acceptance of Xander's terms.

However, Spike's words had struck a chord and the next day, after returning the remaining $169 to Giles, Xander went and bought Spike a foam mattress for his corner of floor and a few sheets. Spike was still asleep when he got home, so he stored them in his own room.

He waited until Spike had gone out for the evening before dragging the mattress along the hall and into Spike's room. He cleared away the nest of bedding Spike had laid down, dumping the sheets in the laundry hamper, and put the mattress in its place. Then he looked at the new sheets, neatly wrapped in their sealed plastic bags and lying on the floor next to it. With a shrug, he tore the bags open and made up the mattress, laying the blankets Spike had appropriated on top and tucking the corners in.

Standing back he gave a nod of satisfaction and went to make himself some supper.

When he got up the next morning, the apartment was quiet, but when he came home from work, Spike was already awake. Xander dropped his tool belt on the floor by the door and gave him a nod in passing, making his way first to his room to shed his clothes and grab his robe, then to the bathroom to shower.

In clean sweats and a t-shirt Xander padded into the kitchen where he was surprised to find Spike with his head in the fridge. He emerged a moment later with a beer in each hand and offered one to Xander, who took it on instinct.

"Thanks," Spike said. When the Xander continued to stare at him, he sighed. "For the bed," he explained. "Was a nice surprise when I got home last night."

Xander shrugged and walked over to the sofa. "The floor's pretty hard to sleep on," he said, lifting the corners of the cushions, hunting for the TV remote.

Spike leant against the side of a kitchen cabinet. "You didn't have to," he said.

"No," Xander agreed. "Ah ha!" He dug the remote out from the back of the sofa and held it up in triumph before finally sitting down and taking a sip of his beer.

With another sigh, Spike asked, "Why?" Xander looked up and Spike sighed again. He was beginning to sound exasperated. "Why did you buy me a bed? Why did you give me a key?" he asked.

"It's just a mattress, Spike. It's not like I bought you a four-poster with silk sheets."

"Doesn't answer my question. Why'd you buy me a bed?"

"Why do you care, why? I just did."

Spike put his bottle down on the work surface and walked towards Xander, hips suddenly loose so he seemed to both flow and strut at the same time. His voice dropped in pitch and volume to a purr that sounded like fur felt under the hand.

"I care," he said. "I don't care about people en masse, I don't care about most people singular. But the people I do care about..." his lips twisted into a crooked smile that was both teasing and somehow self-deprecating. "Oh, the people I do care about... I give them what they want. I can be whatever you want or need."

Xander was suddenly back in the middle of Saturday night and all the thinking he'd not been doing since then was fresh in his mind. There were some things he instinctively shied away from thinking about, let alone talking about, so he fixed on the least personal objection. Looking up at Spike he said, "That doesn't seem fair, exactly."

Spike's brows drew together slightly and he stopped in his tracks. "Fair?" he asked, sounding nonplussed. "Why not?"

Xander took a gulp of his beer to buy himself some time. Swallowing, he shrugged and asked, "Well, what about what you want?"

Spike grinned and his shoulders relaxed. "I want you and you want me. It's not difficult, pet."

It was like being hit over the head by a clue-by-four and for a moment Xander reeled under the impact. The entire world shifted a few feet to the left and all his memories shifted with it, so it was like looking at the last few weeks through different eyes. Everything that he'd thought and felt took on a different emphasis, a different slant. He almost said 'yes', right there and damn the consequences, but if they were going to do this, he wanted it to be on the right terms. He wasn't going to use Spike, any more than he was going to let himself be used. "But if you're always being what I want, you'll end up resenting me," he protested, kicking himself as he said it, but knowing it was the right thing to do.

Spike merely looked puzzled. "Why would I?"

"Because if you're always being what I want, you're not being you and eventually you'll hate that."

Spike shook his head slightly. "No I won't. I'll have you and that's what I want. And you'll have what you want."

Recognising a verbal impasse, Xander tried a different approach. "What do I want?" he asked.

Spike started walking again and the slink was back. "I know what you don't want," he purred. Standing in front of Xander, he took the bottle from his hand and put it on the floor. Straightening up, he held out his hands and Xander placed his own in them, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet, so they were facing each other with eighteen inches of floor space between them. Spike kept hold of his hands. "You don't want to hurt or to be hurt," he said. "You want a lover who gives as much as they take and takes as much as they give. You don't want to be a charity case any more than you want to be used. My wants are much simpler - I just want you."

Still unconvinced, Xander asked, "And you'll change how you behave to get that?"

Spike shrugged. "I don't need to change. I'm a demon, pet. We have simple wants and we..." He broke off and considered Xander. Xander could almost see the cogs turning. He wondered if Spike had the power of thrall, because at that moment he felt pretty thralled up, but then, he reasoned, if he could think that, he probably wasn't.

Spike gave Xander's hands a squeeze. "Dru was my sire," he said, "so she set the pace. She wanted romance and flowers and lace from me. She wanted soft touches and bended knees. Angelus was her sire and he wanted the wildcat who melted under his fucking huge, manly shaft."

Momentarily distracted, Xander asked, "Did he have...?"

"Did he fuck!" Spike said scornfully. "But that's what he wanted from Dru. From me he wanted the naughty schoolboy and the eager student, and I gave him both. Because all three of those are in me and none of them feels neglected or suppressed if another is the aspect at play. I keep telling you, I'm a demon and demons are not that complicated. We just are. The suitor, the student, the naughty child - they're just different facets. It's the same Spike jewel, just facing you from another side. They're all just me and so is this." He released Xander's right hand, reached out and cupped the back of Xander's neck. "You want someone to make the first move," he whispered. "Took me a while to figure that out. Took me too long to figure a lot of stuff out." He tugged Xander forward and Xander leaned towards him, eyes wide and flicking from Spike's own eyes to his lips and back again. Then their faces were so close together that Spike's eyes merged into one and Xander closed his own as Spike's lips touched his.

Spike's mouth was firm, but also somehow hesitant, and Xander felt his body begin to melt. Spike's left hand slipped along to the curve of his shoulder and back and those fingers began to stroke gently at the nape of his neck. Xander pulled his other hand free of Spike's hold and laid both hands on Spike's waist. Spike's right hand mirrored the action and Xander groaned into the kiss. He felt his cock harden.

Spike took half a step forward and Xander's hands tightened. A section of his mind was aware of his elbows sticking out, but he didn't seem able to release his hold enough to slide his hands around Spike's back. Leaning forward as he was felt awkward and he needed his grip on Spike's waist to keep himself upright. He shifted his feet in an attempt to get closer, just as Spike did the same, and his left foot stubbed against Spike's right while his right foot almost got crushed under Spike's left boot. Spike pulled back with a hiss of pain.

"Sorry," Xander whispered.

Spike's arm slipped around his waist and the awkward foot shuffle began again, more successful this time, until they managed to occupy the same small space of floor without damage and they were moulded together from thigh to chest.

Spike's lips were back on his, more confident this time and he flicked out his tongue, running the tip over Spike's still, thankfully, human teeth. Spike made a sound halfway between a purr and a growl deep in his throat and his tongue came to meet Xander's, curling around it in a complex dance of slide and prod.

The hand on his neck stroked down the length of his spine and they drew away from each other very slightly. "Want you," Spike whispered. "Want you now. Come to bed, yeah?"

Xander rested his forehead against Spike's, "Yeah," he whispered back. "My bed. Now."

Pulling away he looked into Spike's eyes and Spike looked back, then he took Spike's hand and led him down the hall.

Once he opened his bedroom door, he let go of Spike and went over and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his T-shirt over his head. He felt the mattress move as Spike sat down next to him and by the time his head was free again, Spike was already bending over, undoing his boot laces. Xander shimmied out of his sweats and boxers and pulling back the covers, shuffled up the bed and crawled inside. Spike pulled his boots off and dropped them on the floor. He stood up and dragged his T-shirt off. The neckline caught on the edge of his hair and it stood to attention in the aftermath, held rigid by the gel he wore. He took no notice, if he even knew, and concentrated on the button and zip of his jeans, pushing them down and stepping out of them, turning them inside-out as he did so.

It wasn't stylish or classy, but it was real and once he was naked he didn't preen under Xander's appreciative gaze, he simply crawled over to Xander's side and slid under the covers next to him.

Xander got his arms around Spike's shoulders again, pulling him towards him. Spike came willingly, melding his body to Xander's and shuffling over his leg so he lay in the vee of Xander's thighs. For a moment they stopped moving, staring stared at each other, and then Spike lowered his head for another kiss.

As their lips met, Xander groaned at the sudden burst of dizzying heat that ignited in his brain. His own lips parting and his back arching off the bed, pressing his cock against Spike and Spike made a strange, strangled, whimpering sound as he pressed back.

A familiar and long missed tingle began to build in Xander's core as they squirmed and rubbed against each other, undignified and urgent with mounting need. Spike opened his mouth further and Xander felt the messy wetness of lips gone slack against his own. He wrenched his head free and buried his face in the crook of Spike's neck, clutching Spike to him. As Xander began to suck on the skin below Spike's ear, Spike growled again and Xander felt the vibration in his own chest.

Somehow they got a rhythm going, and the tingle grew to a heat that coiled in Xander's groin like a spring. He hardly had time to gasp a warning before the spring released and he arched his back again, freezing in that position as his orgasm hit him, side on like a freight train. He opened his mouth to cry out, but managed to swallow most of the sound, clamping his jaws together on a fold of Spike's skin. Spike did scream then and Xander feared that he'd hurt him, but then Spike began to jerk above him and Xander felt the spurt of more wetness between them.

He unlocked his jaw and collapsed onto the mattress, while Spike allowed his body to go slack, resting all his weight on Xander's chest.

Tentatively Xander put his arms around Spike and rolled them onto their sides. They lay there, face-to-face, while they recovered.

After a moment, Spike grinned. "We need practice," he said.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "We'll get it right next time."


Some bits of dialogue borrowed and adapted from episode 4.12, A New Man.

Chapter 32

Comments

[shakatany.livejournal.com]

Oooh what a lovely - and long- chapter. Thank you.

Loved Spike's little speech about how he could be all those facets of personality. Now that the two bois are together nothing had better separate them *glares sternly*

Since Xander gave Giles back his money if Spike gets that tracer he might have to persuade Giles to get it out as a favor or do it himself.

More when you can.

Shakatany

[vampsarecool.livejournal.com]

FINALLY!@#@#@ good lord that was so sweet, hot and naughty. Thanks for the update.

[melanie2525.livejournal.com]

Finally together. So wonderful. But the Initiative is still out there and Giles is hurting because of Ethan. But I loved this chapter. Thank you so much.

[sparrow2000.livejournal.com]

It feels like forever since I last read this chapter. I loved it then and you've polished into a sparkling little gem - maybe even a Spike jewel (love that image btw)

The thing that gets me is just how much ground you cover in canon without it feeling like you were rushing or ignoring things. So many stand out moments, but I loved Xander leaving the key, the random Friends reference, Giles with his flashlight in the cemetery and realising in wonder that Buffy had reached 19 - that was a lovely, touching scene. Xander buying the mattress and making up the bed was so domestic and oddly touching and as for Spike and his explanation about his many facets and how he understands what Xander needs was just beautifull done.

As everyone else has said - Finally!!!!! Bravo love, that was a really wonderful chapter.

After all the bouquets, just one little brickbat for your crappy beta *g*
hips suddenly lose so he seemed to both flow and strut I think it should be "loose". Sorry, missed that before.

[chaoskir.livejournal.com]

Oh what a great update. I like it a lot! The boys together without a spell. GREAT!! Thank you!

[mulder200.livejournal.com]

There was something about having a roomie, he decided, that made him feel grown up and carefree, at the same time. It was like Friends, without the complex emotional attachments.

Yeah right!

In Xander's, it was just responsibility. The students behaved as if they hadn't a care in the world and had never had to worry about anything. He tried to think himself into their shoes, imagining what it must be like, living off parental support, scholarships and trust funds.

Poor Xander! Growing up sucks!

And I love Spike and Xander's conversation. It makes that an older, more experienced vampire would have more self control than one who was newly risen. Talk about complex moral issues.

And they finally talked about the mansion. Talk about a "oh crap!" moment.

And the moment we have all been waiting for. Yeah, it was awkward and messy but it was real and honest and that's what matters.

[dalefarwalker.livejournal.com]

Nice to see that they finally figured it out...
And had the conversation of why Spike didn't recognize him for so long...

Loved the facet speech.

And actually got together - with a pretty good foundation for a relationship this time.

Finally!!!

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

Xander's a little slow on the uptake but he's not stupid. :) Too bad he bought the mattress just in time for it to be unnecessary. :)

Xander's white knight tendencies were wonderful to see as his main objection to Spike's proposal was it's unfairness to Spike. Looks like they're working the kinks out though.

I think we have similar views of Spike. The general disregard for people but fierce caring for those he does care about really struck me as exactly right.

Giles and Buffy's father daughter moment charmed me utterly.

[missus-grace.livejournal.com]

I'm relieved that the truth has finally come out, and loved the nice bedroom scene!

Also liked Spike's conversation about his many facets. So true!

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

I did consider splitting it, but I figured y'all had waited so long and so patiently. *g* And I was impatient too.
*cowers under your glare* I'll be good. Promise. *grins and tries to remember what happens next*
Thank you very much. More next week.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Yes, finally. Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you are enjoying it.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. Yes, there is still some stuff to sort out, but they are finally back together. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

It does feel like a long time ago, doesn't it? *g* I just checked and the Word document of this chapter was created on 31 October! Wow. That was a long hiatus.
It would not have been as polished without your input. Thank you for that. I'm more than glad you enjoyed it.
And thank you for the catch. Goodness, how they squeeze through. Three of us missed that, but considering the number of times I've read this chapter... Fixed now.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Yes, no spell in sight, this time. Thank you. I'm so pleased you liked it.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Yeah right!
*laughs*

Yes, poor Xander. That period when adulthood becomes real. I think its funny, sad and inevitable that he would see the students like that.

I'm so pleased you enjoyed the conversation. I always worry about those 'finally' moments. It probably sounds silly, considering how long I've made then wait, but I always worry they are too rushed. And I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation about Spike's memory. Yes, an Oh Crap moment would be a very good description.

Thank you.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Xander is slow on the romantic up-take, but he gets there in the end. Although, as you suggest, the fact that he didn't understand Spike's previous behaviour couldn't have helped.
I'm very pleased you enjoyed the facet speech. I was worried about it, so the fact that people liked it is reassuring.
Thank you very much.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Too bad he bought the mattress just in time for it to be unnecessary. :) But it's the thought that counts.

They are getting there and Xander is sensible enough to try and protect both himself and Spike, before embarking on anything.

I have often noticed that our Spikes (*g* what a verbal image) are very similar.

And I'm glad the birthday moment worked for you. I really wanted to show the other scoobies, particularly Giles and Buffy, in this story. I'm not sure I have done Willow justice, but I am quite pleased with Buffy throughout Bewitched.

Thank you very much indeed.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. Yes, this was the big reveal scene and once they'd finally cleared the history up (and Xander had freaked a little) I couldn't bear to split the chapter and wait until next week for them to get together.
I'm so glad you liked it.

[mrs-sakuma.livejournal.com]

yay!! when they first kissed i was planning to comment happily about them finally getting together-ish, but they went further than i was expecting. yay!!! great chapter. the smex was excellent, and i'm looking forward to more of this story!!!~

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I hesitated about that, because Spike-and-Xander-jump-into-bed-together-at-the-drop-of-a-hat stories don't feel real to me, but they have both waited so long for this, once Xander caught up I didn't see him hesitating.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

[laazikaat.livejournal.com]

Well it's good to see the boys have made it. Love them saying they need practice, lol.

One small typo:

Xander wasn't sure how they'd got from tigers to proper behaviour, but he was relived relieved that Spike had apparently

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Thank you. I admit, I quite liked that line.
And thank you for the catch. *shakes head in disgust* Fixed now.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

This was a meaty, entertaining chapter. You moved the men forward organically, and the growing friendship and attraction were beautifully rendered. Xander's concern for the vampire and his laundry list of "experiments" with humans was amusing, but the failures believably relaxed Xander's guard. Spike had earned Xander's trust and with that came a key to the apartment and a new bed and real conversation. Action by action, you laid the groundwork for these two giving in to the simmering attraction, and the awkward, messy sex was a wonderful payoff.

I loved the entire chapter, but a couple lines really stood out for me:

Xander is really seeing Spike here and his acceptance of the vampire is breathtaking: Spike would so totally freak them out, he decided, even if they didn't recognise him for what he was. He had an air of confidence that was similar to Buffy's, but in her it was tempered by a hesitancy that he could only ascribe to her humanity. There was never a doubt that Spike would act without pity or remorse. He wouldn't angst over decisions made, as Buffy did. He wouldn't consider that a human obstacle in his path had a right to be there, or even had a right to be. His amorality was totally different from the black and white view of the soldiers, if they were all like Riley, and light years away from the appreciation of grey that Buffy had acquired, ever since she came to terms with her feelings for Angel in all their complicated glory.

Here, too, Xander is really looking at Spike and there's a feeling that he likes what he sees: Xander watched him is silence. There was something arresting about his taut stance that inhibited interruption, even from Xander, the king of the inappropriate mood breaker. These two actually talking about the spell and Dru's manipulation was beautifully written and Xander finally discovering how much danger he had been in was great.

Spike's glee at Giles turning into a Fyarl was delightful, and I loved Xander boosting that cash right back. The gang is pretty much giving the vampire a free ride, and I like Xander drawing a line in the sand and making Spike earn his keep. Saving Giles was a good start, and I enjoyed how Spike's snotty Rent?" he asked. "For a few blankets on the floor? prompted Xander to do something to make the vampire's presence in the apartment an accepted, permanent arrangement by buying the bed and sheets. The bed showed Xander cares about Spike's comfort, and the gesture believably opened an emotional door between these two. I love that even in his chipped state, Spike has the confidence to step through the door. The buildup to the first kiss was heart stopping, and when Xander finally relaxed into it I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I find it amusing that Spike finally has his own bed and I'm left hoping he rarely uses it!

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

Wow, what a wonderful, lovely, detailed comment. I think you've made my morning. You have certainly woken me up to a smile.
This bit is the bit of any S/X story that I dread - am I going too fast? Is it believable? *g*
Thank you so much. And you will know the answer to your last comment, by now.

[jasonsnene.livejournal.com]

Great googily moogily! That was smokin' hot!

This: It was like being hit over the head by a clue-by-four cracked me up so hard!

I also really liked this: "I care," he said. "I don't care about people en masse, I don't care about most people singular. But the people I do care about..." his lips twisted into a crooked smile that was both teasing and somehow self-deprecating. "Oh, the people I do care about... I give them what they want. I can be whatever you want or need." It feels so IC for Spike, to me.

And Xander's reaction to that? yeah. Right on.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

*grins widely* Thank you. I'm so glad you found it so.
Glad you liked the clue-by-four joke, too. I found it somewhere and it seemed so perfect for new construction worker Xander.
I was so nervous that this chapter would disappoint, after such a lead up, for them not to get it perfect *g* I'm so glad you enjoyed it.