Taming the Muse Prompt 48, BoaS Part 32, ...except a little life, BtVS, PG

[thismaz]

.

Title: ...except a little life
Part 32 of the Blood on a Sundial series.
Previous parts, in reverse order, are here or in my memories.
Fandom: BtVS
Prompt: #48 - Horoscope
At: tamingthemuse
Summary: Spike, Xander, AU in Season 2. We are talking slow burn here, people.
Disclaimer: here.
Rating: Pg
Word Count: 3,035
Note: Dialogue quotes courtesy of http://www.twiztv.com




32. ...except a little life

"I like you at bedtime?" Willow asked, with delighted amazement and some awe, almost tripping over because she was looking at Buffy instead of at where she was going. Buffy's hand flashed out and grabbed her elbow, just in time, rescuing her from an ignominious somersault down the school steps. Willow waited until they were at the bottom and had veered off onto the grass, away from the clamour of students celebrating their release from another day of schooling, before she spoke again, picking up her thought. "You actually said that?" she asked.

Buffy's dreamy expression turned into a mixture of embarrassment and something Willow thought looked like joy. "I know, I know."

She shook her head. "Man, that's like..." Gazing at Buffy, she was both amazed and proud to be the confidant for this news. Somehow it didn't seem strange that Buffy was contemplating sex, when she herself had not yet managed to catch a single kiss. "I-I dunno, that's moxie or something." Why did she always feel so young, when she was actually older than Buffy by a couple of months? Maybe it always went that way - she always felt older than Xander, and his birthday was in October.

Buffy's voice dragged her back from that brink, just as her hand had saved her earlier. "Totally unplanned." Buffy explained, both excusing her words and revelling in them. "It just... came out."

A giggle escaped her, but she concentrated on the important part. "And he was into it? I mean, he wants to see you at bedtime, too?"

"Yeah, I... I think he does." Buffy's voice turned hesitant. "Well, I, I mean he-he's cool about it."

Instinct led Willow to offer what reassurance she could. "Well, of course he is. 'Cause he's cool. I mean, he would never... you know..."

"Push?" Buffy asked and Willow thought she heard a note of doubt.

"Right," she said, firmly. "He's not the type."

But now doubts seemed to have taken their hold. "Will," Buffy appealed, "what am I gonna do?"

"What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. I... I mean, 'want' isn't always the right thing to do." She turned to face Willow. "To act on want can be wrong."

Willow nodded, waiting to see what Buffy wanted to hear. "True," she agreed.

"But... to not act on want..." Buffy threw her up hands. "What if I never feel this way again?"

Oh, it was the 'go with your instincts' talk. "Carpe diem," she said. "You told me that once."

Buffy's memory was obviously not as good as Willow's "'Fish of the day'?" she asked in a puzzled voice.

Willow sighed. "Not carp. Carpe. It means 'seize the day.'"

"Right." Buffy nodded. "I... I think we're going to. Seize it. Once you get to a certain point, then seizing is sort of inevitable."

"Wow..."

"Yeah."

"Wow..."

"Yeah." Buffy looked down at her watch. "Oh..." She looked back at Willow. "I have to go. Giles wants to see me. But, hey...." She was looking over Willow's shoulder and Willow started to turn to see what had caught her attention. "Speaking of 'wow' potential, there's Oz over there. What are we thinking, any sparkage?"

Accepting the change of subject Willow smiled. "He's nice." Seeing that that didn't satisfy, she cast around for something to add. "Hey, I like his hands."

Buffy grinned. "Mm. A fixation on insignificant detail is a definite crush sign."

With a grimace, Willow attempted to demure. "Oh, I don't know, though. I mean, he is a senior."

Buffy gave her a look. "You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial." She gave Willow a friendly pat on the shoulder, which was almost a shove. "I've gotta go. Why don't you..." And she was off, striding across the grass, heading for the Library. Willow turned towards Oz.

*****

Willow threw down her pen in exasperation, five times she'd read that passage and still the sense was eluding her. She checked the time and saw that it was nearly one o'clock, no wonder she was tired. But she'd never been late handing in her homework. Never. And she wasn't going to start now. Even in the first days of worrying, after Xander disappeared, she'd been able to use study as a way of taking her mind off the things she could do nothing about. Even in the days when she'd harboured a bitter and unrequited, unnoticed, crush on Xander himself, she'd always managed to concentrate on her homework. But there was something about Oz...

The muted jangle of the telephone on the bed sidetable jerked her from her unproductive, but enjoyable daydreaming and she got up and went over to the bed to pick it up, thinking it must be Buffy, because who else would call at this hour? She settled back against the pillows, ready for a good gossip about boys and dates and love, or at least the possibility of it. "Hello," she said.

But the voice that answered with a "Hello?" of it's own, wasn't Buffy.

"Xander!" she cried. "Oh, Wow! Xander!" This was wonderful. Fantastic. "It's really you? Are you okay? Where are you? Are you coming back? Are you back already? No, because if you were, you'd have come to see me, so you can't be back." She took a breath as it finally penetrated her brain that what she was hearing, was Xander laughing. She laughed herself, trying to be firm through the feeling of overwhelming relief. "Hey mister, I'm talking to you. Are... Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Will. I'm alive and I'm fine."

"Giles said you rang him a few times. I wish I could'a talked to you. Why didn't you call me? It's so good to hear you. Are you really, really sure you're alright?"

"Yes Willow, I'm fine, I promise. I just rang, because..." He hesitated and Willow held her breath, but he sounded so normal when he asked, "Tell me how you are. I want the news. And who would I call to get that, but you? Tell me everything. How's tricks in Sunnydale? What're you guys up to? Have you been doing the defeating of the evil? I just want to hear some normal stuff."

Her heart wrenched. "Normal? This is Sunnydale."

Xander's laugh sounded a little strained. "Normal, Sunnydale stuff. Tell me, please?"

"O-Okay. Normal stuff. I can do that. Well, lets see... There was a demon came after Giles. Because it turns out, when he was our age, he wasn't all tweedy at all.... In fact, it seems he was a bit of a rebel. And the demon came back and it got into Ms Calendar and we had to get Angel to draw it out, into him, and his demon killed it, and it was really scary for a moment. But Ms Calendar wasn't happy and it looked like Giles' romance might be on the rocks for a while. Oh, oh, and last week there were possessed eggs. And they got the whole class." She shuddered and she knew her voice was a bit shaky. "And, and if that's what it was like for you, when you got possessed at Halloween, all I can say is: Yuk! It was like I could feel it seeping it's evil into me." Realising suddenly that this probably wasn't the kind of thing Xander wanted to hear about, but not wanting to be too obvious, either, she went on. "And you'll never guess, but it was Cordelia who helped Buffy save us." In response to the disbelieving choking sound in her ear, she continued, "Yeah. Cordelia! She went to Buffy because John Lee ignored her in the corridor." Willow warmed to the task of telling the story at Cordelia's expense. "He just walked past her. So, she decided something had to be wrong. Of course." She paused to consider that. "Except it turned out she was right. But Buffy worked it out and killed the mama bezoar. That was what it was called. And all the baby bezoars died and fell off and we were okay again. Giles told everyone it was hallucinations caused by a gas attack. And Buffy's Mom believed him, even though she's still mad at Buffy, because of the killer robot killage."

Xander's voice was loud and clear. "The what?"

"Oh, well, Joyce got a boyfriend and he was a computer software salesman and had all these really cool applications, and he gave me some for nothing and gave me loads of great advice for improving the speed on my computer. But it turned out he was a robot. Really advanced. I mean the programming, not to mention the servo motors."

Xander interrupted. "But Buffy killed him? I mean, it?"

"Yes, yes, she did. Just after he tried to kill her and kidnap Mrs Summers. And we got rid of him in pieces at the city dump."

"I know you, Will." Xander sounded stern. "Please tell me you didn't keep any parts.

"Err... Not any big ones."

"Willow. You have seen The Terminator. And Terminator 2. I know you have. Promise me, you'll destroy those bits."

It was so good to hear him and to know he was concerned about her. "I will," she promised. She'd got all the information she was going to get out of them, anyway.

"Ms Calendar's been trying to find you," she added, in an attempt to distract him from the robot parts. "She's been asking all her contacts about any magic workers in Reno, after your first call. Angel's been helping too. And Buffy and Angel..." She sighed. "It's so romantic. Like Romeo and Juliette. Except not, because that was a tragedy and Buffy and Angel... aren't. But they're not a comedy, either. Maybe a romance? Anyway, they've been looking for you too."

The voice of the operator interrupted, telling Xander he needed to add more money and there was some frantic whispering at the other end, then Xander returned. "It's okay, I'm still here."

Willow sighed with relief. It would have been awful if they'd been cut off, when she had been hogging all the conversation. "What about you, Xander. What's up where you are? Wherever that is. Where are you, anyway?"

"I'm okay, Wills. But I need to tell you something. Listen. We had a run in with the Watcher's Council today."

"Today?"

"Well, last night. You have to listen. There was a man called Roger Wyndam-Pryce. He was blackmailing a shaman. He wanted this shaman guy to do a spell on Buffy."

"On Buffy?"

"Yes. Listen. They're not the good guys. You can't trust them. Don't trust any of them. Not even Giles."

"But, but, Giles is Buffy's watcher."

"Yes, I know. But Pryce was talking to Giles on the phone when we arrived at his hotel, to confront him."

"Xander? Who's we?"

"Me and Spike. The shaman came to Spike for help. And I went along to make sure the story was true, and to make sure he couldn't do anything to Buffy."

"Oh my goodness. What... what happened?"

"He's dead. Buffy's safe."

"Dead?" She knew her voice was too loud and high pitched for this time of night. It would be really bad if her parents woke up and came to find out what was going on, so she lowered it. "Xander? You didn't? No, you didn't.... kill him?"

There was a silence, which seemed last forever. Then Xander's voice again, sounding tired and depressed. "No, I didn't kill him. But he is dead. There was a thing. It was called the Anashaman. He was blackmailing the shaman to do some magic which would tie Buffy to the Council. So she'd always do what they said."

"But that's crazy. She already does do what they say...." She considered that. "Well... she does what Giles says... Sometimes... Umm... If she wants to."

"Look, Willow. Listen to me. I don't know why they wanted to do it, but he admitted it. He didn't think it would do her any harm. But Bla... er, the shaman did. He said it would cripple her. I couldn't let that happen. I didn't kill him. But I'm not sorry he's gone and can't try and do it again. Okay?" That sounded almost like a challenge. What had happened to her Xander in the weeks he'd been gone. "Xander? Is Spike there now?"

"Yes, Spike's here."

"Is he forcing you to say these things?"

"No. He's not even particularly happy I'm calling. He's not making me say anything." He paused for a moment and there were muffled sounds of speech, as he apparently put his hand over the mouth piece. Then he was back. "I've gotta go. The sun'll be up soon and Spike needs to get inside. Just remember what I said. Don't trust Giles. Don't trust the Council."

"Xander, please?"

"I'll call again. Sometime soon, okay? But I have to go now. Goodbye Willow. Take care."

The line went dead with a click and Willow sat, clutching the handset and stared blindly across the room, as the tears ran down her cheeks.

*****

Spike pushed himself away from the wall with his shoulders, as Xander placed the hand set carefully down in it's rest. He waited as the boy stood, head bowed, leaning heavily on the telephone, before flexing his shoulders and standing up straight. He turned to Spike. "I suppose we'd better go and give these bits of stone to Wesley, then?"

"Yeah. Sunrise in half an hour or so. Wouldn't mind getting inside."

They turned together and began to walk back to the factory.

Suddenly Xander spoke. "I didn't understand her."

"You what?" Spike asked in surprise.

"Willow. All the things she was talking about. I didn't understand her." He looked across at Spike. "Sure, I understood the words. I haven't forgotten English, in spite of having to live with your constantly shifting accent for weeks."

"That would be my English accent?"

"Yeah, all of them." He paused, obviously thinking hard. Spike decided not to interrupt, wouldn't do to disrupt such hard work. He smirked to himself.

"I've always known Willow," Xander said eventually. "All my life. And I think I must have changed. Or she has." He seemed to be talking to himself now, rather than to his audience. "No, it must be me. She looks at the world and it's all so clear to her. And... it was like we were just friends."

Hazarding a guess, Spike suggested, "You are friends."

"No! She was more than that. She was my safe place, my home. But she doesn't feel like that anymore." He fell silent, staring at his feet as he walked along. They were almost home when he spoke again. "I killed him," he said.

Spike looked up. "No, you didn't. I did."

"Wesley said I killed him. And it's true. I helped you get in. I held them at gun point. I might as well have killed him."

The boy sounded like he almost believed that crap. "Don't care what watcher boy said." This kind of stupid wallowing got on his wick. "I didn't need you there," he said in a deliberate voice of sorely tried patience. "I'd have killed them both, if you hadn't been there. Glass half full, mate. You saved one."

Xander looked along his shoulder at Spike and his mouth twisted into a half smile. "Stop being logical, it's creepy"

Spike smirked back. "Creature of the night. S'posed to be creepy."

Xander sighed. "I'm really not cut out for this, you know?"

"Cut out for what?"

"This." He swept his arm in an all encompassing gesture. "This, questioning. And not being sure what's right."

"Oh, that." They were almost at the door and Spike stopped, forcing Xander to stop, too, by grabbing his arm. He stepped around in front of Xander and studied him. "So which bit's giving you the trouble? The moral ambiguity or the basic uncertainty about y'future?"

"Er, both?" Xander ducked his head and became fascinated by the pavement between the toes of their boots.

Spike reached out with his right hand and pushed Xander's chin back up, so he was looking at him again. "My Dru," he said. "She was a seer. Could see the future, could talk to the stars and tell your fortune from them. She read the cards, too. And she said..." he froze as a memory, clear as day, played across his consciousness, like a film on a screen: Dru, sitting at a table. Him, stepping up behind her and putting his arms around her, looking over her shoulder. She was staring down at a card with a picture of a man on a horse with a goblet in his hand. She tapped the card. "You keep missing him," She said. "Squandering your chances for the promise of more."

Xander's voice broke the image. "What did she say?"

Spike shook his head to clear it. "Nothing, mate. Doesn't matter. Come on, lets get that watcher on his merry." He turned away, pulled out his key and opened the door. Xander trailed in behind him.

*****

Wesley stood ramrod straight, a very tight smile on his lips. "Thank you Xander." He hesitated glancing across at Spike, who was standing by the door to the stairs, watching. He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and leant forward towards Xander. "Listen, why don't you come with me? The Council can protect you. Get you home safe."

Xander lifted his left arm, showing Wes the bangle. "Can't," he said briefly. "Magical handcuffs. I can't leave. And, no offence, but I think the Watchers Council is the last place I would run to, if I could run. You go. Go back to England and tell them what happened. And don't send anyone after me." With a flash of inspiration, he added. "If you kill him, it kills me too. Just leave us in peace. Spike won't come after any more watchers, as long as you leave him alone. I'll see to that."

Wesley gave a smart nod. "Good man. Okay. You have my word. And the word of a Wyndam-Pryce is not lightly given."

Xander smiled "Great."


Notes: The title comes from a poem by Lord Byron, another one of the romantic poets. Dru's tarot card was the Knight of Cups -The Grail Knight and the scene Spike remembers happened in part 7, The principle of the thing.

Next Part


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Comments

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what Willow will do. I don't think she'll say anything to Giles, except that Xander phoned. I'm just not sure what she'll tell Buffy. They were never good at telling each other important stuff, were they? It was a major cause of a lot of their troubles being worse than they needed to be.
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